Stories of substance : women’s narratives of overcoming a troubled relationship with alcohol and/or other drugs without intervention : a thesis presented in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts in Psychology at Massey University, Manawatū, Aotearoa

Abstract

(Re)produced within colonial and patriarchal knowledge systems, psychological literature that considers women’s experiences of alcohol and other drugs (AOD) produces a singular story of feminine pathology, nestled within a dominant narrative of addiction. The shame that women embody emerges in a complex relationship of gendered power relations enacted on our bodies, as it is produced through the affective flows of the social forces that shape our subjectivities. This research aims to retell our stories away from narratives of blame and shame to better understand the processes we engage in and how we make sense of our affective transformation. How do we recognise the affective flows of meaning making that hold us responsible for the embodied affect of shame and blame as we re-tell our stories of our differences, collectively re-imagining what it might mean to be a woman who is becoming free from shame and blame? The research becomes a collective narrative with five women, taking shape through tracing the affective flows of meaning making that materialise the forces that shape our subjectivities, and open potentials for our transformation. The analysis moved with the patterning of the women’s processes of reckoning, de-linking pain from suffering, and embodying new spaces. Through these processes, potentials for in-depth transformation moved our bodies through ongoing processes of becoming in relation. Understanding that memories – and the action of remembering – are a creative force, enabled us to imagine an alternative world with compassionate and sustainable social relations. Recognising the generative potential of pain and shame, the story this research produced became one that celebrates transformative becomings, and a new figuration for a woman who has overcome a troubling relationship with AOD emerged – she is nomadic, shaped through the affective flows of social power relations, attuned to her embodied memories as she follows her desire in a process of becoming. She is a woman of substance.